Limited or Limitless?

There's something that is really troubling to me about the way some of those I care about see themselves in life.....

They see themselves as LIMITED.

Limitations, of all sorts are imposed. Either self imposed, mentor imposed, or circumstantially imposed. But....does that mean that because someone or something, or even you yourself make it seem like you are limited in a situation....that you actually ARE?

I don't believe so....not even the tiniest bit....with any bit of fiber in my being.  In any circumstance, the only limit that exists is failure to try.   Even if YOU don't consider your attempt a success.....that is a limitation your own thoughts put on the outcome.  My question to you if you constantly say to yourself....'I failed'.....is, did you learn from what happened? If so, its not a failure....you moved forward.  Even the tiniest realization....down to, well, there's a better way, or even....well, that didn't work.....means you learned you need to look for another door. 

Even in walking with the Lord and Lady.....if you believe in your being that they know you, hear you, and dwell with you.....and you live and walk with that....there are NO limits to what you can do on that path, for those around you....and for this world.  But if you live your path in the light that there is a ceiling.....that you are small, weak, and unable to stand, you simply won't.

I see this being taught EVERYWHERE.....that we are limited in our potential.  Who in the world decided for you that you can't do something?  And why....when you have already come this far in life, do you want to listen to that?  (I'm sick....I can't. Its just not in my make up....I can't.  It's always been that way...it always will be.)

I've learned something about people.....let me share a big glaring truth that people treat as secret....

If someone tells you you can't do something....or when someone tells you you can't rise above something....its because THEY are missing that drive within themselves.  If YOU tell yourself you can't change.....you won't. You have to want to. You have to have the drive to do it.  Limitation is one of the biggest lies people tell themselves....and believe as though there is no other truth.

I have a confession to make.....

I used to sit wallowing in limitations.   My parents had to tell me that 'CAN'T' isnt a part of my vocabulary....and they never stopped pushing me. I fought SO hard to prove them wrong....they'll tell you, I was a royal pain.  I fought against everything that was difficult....with nails and teeth. And it was ME that was wrong.  As I began to grow, people got scared. and I started to get bold. But I was confused too. I would hear things like....

'But what are you going to do if this happens?  You don't have it all planned out.'  

 'I don't think its a good idea if you do that....'

"What are you going to do when there is no one there to help you?'

I let each one of these questions stop me in my tracks even after becoming bold.... for a very long time....and I began to doubt myself again. I began to think....ya know what?  I DON'T have it all planned out. I don't KNOW what I would do in a given situation when I have to rely on myself....so I just can't do it.  

For a long time, I swallowed the feelings others shared that THEY had.....that the fact I DIDN'T know, was something that was unacceptable, and not ok.  And I stopped living. I barricaded myself with the fears and limitations of those feelings. I allowed the bubble to be built around me....because others wanted me safe.  THEIR idea of safe for me.

All these questions and fears were out of love, and were real in THEIR lives.... it was their insecurity coming out.  I made the mistake of letting it block me...not realizing the truth. And, I wasn't at all satisfied with life, with myself, or living with hope for the future. Until one day....I decided it wasn't good enough for me to stay in the bubble.  It dawned on me.....

NO one has life all planned out.....and if they say they do, it doesn't work the way they planned......
Your life is not a good idea for someone else to live.....because its not theirs.

No one has all the answers for every circumstance. 

And the truth is.....

ITS OK!!!!!!

This is true for our sacred path with the Lord and Lady too.  We DON'T have a complete understanding of our own character. That, is what we are here to learn. To love who we are..... and realize that we ARE perfectly made to be exactly what we are.  

Sometimes those in the position of teaching us about our spiritual selves, get stuck in their own struggle to feel adequate.  They get stuck in saying we all have character flaws that we can't overcome....because we're human.  

That's true...IF you look at life as though its something that is pass/fail.   To me, that makes no sense when they also say that God knows the outcome.  It's sort of twisted if you give it thought.....its basically being taught that God knows your life is going to be graded as a failure before you are born.....but you are here to struggle and fail....and you are loved. 

 ?????? 

We're listening to other people, on the same journey....try to teach us the way.

Who really knows enough walking on this earth to judge a Character flaw beyond one they know well in their own life? And if they feel they can't rise above that flaw, it stands to reason due to their self built comfort bubble that they want you to believe YOU can't rise above it either?

My thoughts at this point my my journey are this:

Listen to your heart.

What if there is no FAILURE in this life?  What if the supreme truth is exactly this.....that the journey is toward self love, and love of others....and that through things seen as evil, abhorrent, awful....and as  what we term Character flaws....are what help us turn inward, and see our own inner light?  What's seen as a flaw in me through some eyes.....MIGHT be what is admired through other eyes.....who knows? It's about self perspective....and loving others...as well as ourselves, and our surroundings.

Think about this.....

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see in a mirror dimly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

And now abides faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

YOU are the light of the world.....

Love and Light.....

Blessed be.....

Namaste

We Shall OVERCOME

Be LIMITLESS in your view of the world around you......and the doors that are closed around you now, will open up to a whole NEW reality.

Walking between two veils......the me that used to be....and the me I am becoming. And ye harm none.....

After feeling the love wash over me when I had my NDE.....there is no other way to be, and live this life the way we are meant to live it. I'm working on really recognizing what I can control, and what I can't.....and speaking my heart honestly.  Communicating what hurts....trying not to do so in anger, even when invited.

 I'm FAR from perfect. There are times I yell, there are times I am snarky....and I say and do things that I need to work on handling better. There are times I let worry, earthly riches, and the murkiness that surrounds us in this world envelop me--even though I know its no good to do so.

 I own that now....where before, I felt it was an outside thing--temptation that came from outward sources.  It's only temptation when I allow it to be.  Dark sides of everything exist....and that includes with our inner selves. But does that mean we always have to invite it to affect?  Especially when things we are tempted to re-live keep on re-surfacing in our lives?  Why revisit the pain when the lesson has been learned?

 I've learned,  that even doing  that comes from inside me....and I'm trying to immediately recognize it...and work on my actions.  It doesn't attack from outside me.....I attack myself and invite it to affect me.  Yes....dark is a part of life....but I am learning not to let it carry me.....and that includes things in my own past.  It does no good to me if I hold myself hostage.  I'd rather transform from that dark....and move forward in hope to a better future!

One of my favorite sayings....is 'One does not need to attend every argument to which he or she is invited."  (And that includes arguments within our own beings.)

I am making the conscious choice each and every day to walk in love......and that includes loving myself....as well as those I've allowed to affect me in the past.

Reflection about the Christian Easter story from a Pagan Perspective

Today is the day Christians commemorate Holy Thursday--the day of the Last Supper, or the day before the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross.

I have to say that I've got kind of a mixed reflection on this....as a former Catholic who has embraced Pagan self.   I honestly feel as though I've gone through several last suppers in my life, facing the death of things I held fast.

The primary last supper and death I've gone through, was of almost complete dependence on the way others viewed me.  I was afraid for years to really come into my own....and spent my time supping on what others thoughts fed me.  This lead to a dark tomb-like me--because I spent so much time trying to be what everyone else told me I was....or should be. Not only fellow Christians, but I judged myself based on EVERYONE around me. Classmates, teachers, my parents, my sibling....friends who weren't actually friends.....and even friends who were friends, genuinely trying to help, but really didn't know me.  I begged and begged to be removed from this....because it was utterly miserable.  I was withdrawn, in tears all the time, anxious, unable to relax....and fearful. But was I really unable to find peace? Or living through a thick illusion?

  I really was like a naive lamb...a sheep....following others to fall off a cliff, and afraid of the future....losing myself in trying to become the impossible.  I found the stone rolled away one day.....when I hit bottom, and realized I just was not happy....and I LITERALLY decided I deserved better from myself in reaction to all of that, and I just got up and moved into the sunlight.  It honestly was that easy. I had to come to the realization that only I know myself. Everyone else is in the same boat....and many are groping along in their own dark tombs--but pretending THEY have it all together about me.....while trying to figure out their own inner beings. I had to realize everyone else goes through the insecurity, and no one walking with me knows the way any more than I do.  And...learn to not find fault or be angry in the fact that they did perceive me in the way they did.   I am still learning to let go of that anger and rigidity in myself...but I know now, it is possible.

 I had to let higher power take me out of the pain and anguish....and rise to find who I really am....through paying attention to the voice of the Lord and Lady from inside my own soul.  They reside there....all it took was me deciding not to listen to the world....and stop crucifying myself through the world's eyes.

From a Pagan perspective--I see myself now in this respect as in the period of new growth. Hatching from the egg of re-birth.....and finding joy in the fertility of learning who I am.  I LOVE not having to feel unworthy, and embracing my humanness....not as a fault...but as a fact. I actually was blinded to the joy of rebirth....and had to choose to let the stone in my way fall aside.  Now, the world is brightly colored, beautiful even in the pain of struggle.  I haven't arrived....I'm not at my final destination, but I'm letting the world fall away....and learning me.....and the sacred walk I have with the Lord and Lady at my side.

The second aspect of life that I went through a Last Supper/ Gethsemane experience about....was the illusion of only one true path toward peace. Toward God, Lord and Lady, Higher Power....or however one may have that concept sown into their very fabric.  I realized that I was also being judgemental about others.....because again, the world we live in always presents THEIR way....as THE way.  I lived by that with Catholicism, and pushed all other thoughts, concepts and realities away.

It really doesn't matter what way one follows in the world.... when you embrace something, its always THE ONLY way.....no matter what....and everyone else is fallen, needing to be corrected, or covered in someone else's belief to make it to God/Lord and Lady, or even just plain old accepted.

I had to realize I was busy hating myself through others' expectations, not accepting myself, and seeing myself as fallen....beaten in this world.....which is where I relate to the Crucifiction. I was truly suffering....miserable, and pierced by the thorns I grabbed ahold of myself.  And....I think I needed to do that....to really appreciate the relief when I realized it did not need to be that way.

 The difference between myself, and Christ, is he knew he was not beaten, fallen.....he accepted himself and reached higher than his surroundings because of that.  He suffered with the surroundings he had, but he was able to reach higher and leave that behind.

I came to know that I have been offered the promise to reach higher. I've walked out of the dark tomb, towards the bright future of that promise.....and the sunlight is dazzling.....

I'm no longer looking at myself as beaten. Nor am I concerned about whether others think I am right or wrong.....
I'm concerned about being. Its none of my concern what others think....what matters now is that I reach forward....and up. with willingness to reach a hand down to the opportunities presented to share with others....when asked.  Trusting in my relationship in Circle with the Lord and Lady, and the cutting away of that which is not welcome with my Athame....I know that when asked, there is a reason to share, .but no reason to expect others to agree or accept my inner self.....that's up to me to accept and work on.

 I'm seeing me in newness....even though I've always been this me.  I am still becoming.....I am still rising.....but I understand the darkness is part of life too.....

I see the tomb now as not a place of death, but transformation. Every time I find myself in a dark place....I'm learning not to crawl around focusing on the dark.....but to learn from it, use it as a transforming force in my being....and again, find the light.

I am empowered......strengthened....and blessed with dark and light. And, I know I will find other tombs from which I will need to emerge....but I also no longer live in doubt that I will come out changed and living in the promise of greater joy!

One final thought passed across my mind as I was writing today. Its about a biblical passage--Matthew 19:23-24:

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

The first verse in this passage speaks to me of living humbly. Not going about saying that one has all the answers, or has it all together. I know that I will always be learning....and discarding things that I do not need to carry.  My burden has been lightened a lot....and the riches around me in the earth, in those I love, and in the knowledge I gain are not mine to own....but to share.   I think what is referenced here is the aspect of becoming too burdened, too fat because of what we choose to carry to pass through that eye. And discarding or giving is continual....much like as the act of moving forward lessens our load.

Lord and Lady, help me recognize when I am burdened by too much stuff...stuck in the dark....and help me reach for the light....leaving un-needed things behind....and not clinging to others' stuff.....I love you!

Broken? Or empowered?

I grew up Catholic. In fact, I was someone that held my Christianity as THE most important aspect of life, above all else.  Then....I went to College. Theology school....   and I studied the cultural and world history of the times when Christianity was born.  While the study was Christianity based, we also included other faith paths of the world....and were able to see the similarities, and the differences. Early Christians were broken, poor, politicized people, taught not to think. And those that did think for themselves and did not follow the laws, were traitors meant to be converted.

Culture then was to simply follow the edicts of those in power, without question.  Even the biblical stories of the old testament show this.....God was a vengeful God....and he would smite you if you did not follow the laws to the letter.  They were a simple people, who were looking for leadership, and in fact taught to do just that. And...they were punished to the point of death, if they stepped out of the follower role. Because Government depended on the people looking at them as a Sovereign Government....and giving all they had to accomplish what that authority dictated must occur.  Their very society was based on that foundation. And if their Government was not looked on as sovereign, their way of life would totally collapse. Where then, would they go?  

I began to wonder about some things. Most world religions (though not all)...many older than Christianity....  teach what I call Peaceful Empowerment.  That is to say that with reaching out to higher power, you are able to view the world, yourself, and your life events with peace....and be able to participate in your life by shaping your knowledge, learning from experiences, and draw on strength that higher power enables within us.

I was confused by something intrinsically taught through Catholic homilies, addressed in Christian writings, and shown by those who teach the faith as a big part of the Ministry of Jesus.  And that is, that everyone is broken.  That we need to be on our knees before God, because we are faulted by sin.  Yet, the other side of that, is every Sunday, in the teachings people hear, in some fashion, 'by his stripes, we are healed' is reiterated, over and over again.

It baffled me how we were to embrace healing....yet be told we are to come to higher power broken every Sunday....and because we just are....we still remain broken.  Powerless in effect....until we are again before God, for healing.  Yet, at the same time, we kept being told that Jesus's actions 'finished the healing for us'.

The reason this is important to me, was personal. I am disabled....I was born that way. I have Cerebral Palsy, and I also suffer from chronic pain and fatigue.  I already felt, and in my mind, appeared broken. Not only spiritually, mentally, and emotionally,  but physically.  Outwardly. I didn't see the point  in what was being taught....and I once even went to a faith healer to try and be physically healed.  I couldn't wrap my brain around it.  I wanted that more than ANYTHING....and I went through a lot of emotional stress and turmoil, because even on the outside, I was not  ok.  People never treated me as though I was ok....I was always 'different' than them.  

That is, until I actually realized....that I myself was missing the point.  It dawned on me, that I was bathed in higher power, but not accepting the gift that was there.  Literally, I was letting the words of others snatch it out of my life, by listening to the teaching that we need to come to higher power, as broken souls. Every day...   to be healed. Over...and over....and over.  Does that make sense?  When you look at it, and try to reconcile it, does it fit together like a puzzle piece?  No....not to me.

We make this so hard to grasp, but even with Jesus's ministry, its very simple. Jesus took all the brokenness from us (if you want to look at it through Christianity).....we simply need to make that part of our fabric.  We are not broken....we are learning in this life...and we make mistakes. If you're continually broken--that's what you focus on.  When you call yourself hurt....that's what consumes you. But...when you are healed, you can move forward.  You can learn. You can grow....and sometimes THAT results in more bruises...falls, and pain....but again, they heal. 

I'm in no way saying that being healed the way Christ taught  means we are perfect....we're not. We hurt each other....we make the same decisions over and over.....we get insulted, and we insult. But.....we've spent so much time caught in the fact we do that....we haven't realized that it DOES NOT HAVE TO CONSUME US that we do that.  Consuming usually leads to reaching out for more of the same....because that's the thing out thoughts our focused on.  I want to be consumed with learning more about our world...and about myself. Not crawling in nothing but feeling broken and less that what I am meant to be.

Here's the ah-ha that I went through while studying.....

  We should not continually be apologizing for these things....but acknowledge them...KNOW that higher power surrounds us and will move us  forward---IF WE MOVE OUR FEET. Healed, learning and realizing we can stop those things in our lives.  The best part? We can also help others up! We're not alone in our mistakes....and in learning not to make them.

I realize that a LOT of the problems I had in my life were there because I was constantly on my knees, crawling. Broken. And higher power was reaching down to draw me upward.  I finally accepted.  I don't dwell on  flogging myself anymore for mistakes....or continue to feel guilt. I make them, and I acknowledge that I have, and think about what the mistakes caused in order to learn......but then I lay them down and look forward.  Even if I take a few steps backwards again....I know I need to look up....to look forward.
Even Jesus reached down to help the downtrodden and broken up on their feet....and brought them back to life.  They didn't come back to him the next day, crawling on their knees.....or return crippled to the same spot the next morning begging.  Why is it that some want to return to the place of the beggar?

 Those touched by Jesus did the opposite.  Because--he invited them to move forward.  Humbly....he invited them to be broken no more. And in return, he asked them to embrace their neighbors....helping them up. Inviting them forward.

I walk now....not in brokenness...but in purpose. I know I screw things up. I say things I don't mean.....I do things that aren't perfect....but I'm loved. I've found peaceful empowerment....and now I embrace what my spirit wants to sing....by taking care of the earth, by recognizing that beauty in the differences of every path....even those who crawl on their knees.....and those who reach down to draw them up.I'm not saying my life is without sorrow, and strife.  I am sorry for the mistakes I have made....and I hurt for the times that I have hurt others.....but I realize that I can't fall and stay on the ground....I need to get up and help others up too....and move from that spot.  According to John 3:14--Jesus taught 'Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. What this tells me is that we need to get up off our knees....and do great things together....even though we make mistakes with each other.  Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, athiest.....we all have this promised to us. Because each of us is here to do something......whether it is a spiritual path, a religious teaching....or just a reason for being here to you.....we're all meant for something.

 We need to reach out....and help each other up....and realize the truth of this message. I realized I spent too long crawling around trying to find the message that was right there.....I just had to look up....to look forward. And move.

I love that Paganism teaches one to reach inward....and draw on the higher power that glows in each of us.  I love that Paganism has allowed me to see that glow around me everywhere....in all things.   I am in awe of it all....of the magick of this life. It is such a rainbow of differences.....and I can never learn enough. I'm happy to pick up my mat and walk.....it is a beautiful thing!